


Berlin

by simplegirl



Category: Nathan Barley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplegirl/pseuds/simplegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Jones take a trip to Berlin. Pre-series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Berlin

The old editor had left Sugar Ape and Jonatton had come on board. He wasted no time in making changes and Dan, who was never one to be interested in being cool or with it or whatever it was called these days, hated the new direction the magazine seemed to be taking. The new direction seemed to call for fewer articles on music, which was what Dan had been focussing on, and more articles with _edge_.

Dan is somewhat relieved, however, when he is given an assignment to go to Berlin to cover the Love Parade. Although he hates festivals (and is especially not looking forward to the amount of techno that would be played, the ridiculous outfits people would be wearing, or the number of people off their tits on who knows what "dancing" in the streets), he knows Jones would be over the moon. Jones has friends and connections in Berlin and should easily be able to get a couple gigs if he wants to, even on such short notice. He texts Jones, but wants to give him the news in person:

_Do you have your schedule for next week? Keep Thursday - Monday free if you can. Tell you more this evening._

He knows Jones can't handle waiting for surprises. He's not even put his phone back in his pocket when he gets a text back:

_?? don't leave me hanging lk this!! whats up?_

Dan smirks to himself and considers not responding right away, but gives in.

_I'll tell you later. What time are you off? Do you want me to meet you at Stanley Knives or back at the house?_

He doesn't bother putting his phone away because he knows Jones will text back immediately. And he does:

_home @ 7. u better b there! x_

Dan tells Sasha he'll book his own flight so he can book Jones's ticket at the same time. This will be the first time they've flown somewhere together - they've travelled by car, train, and even boat before, but not by plane. Dan gets a giddy feeling in his stomach thinking about this. He tries to ignore something so juvenile and soppy though.

He checks the time on his computer nearly every 20 minutes, waiting to leave for the day. He ends up leaving a bit early because he's been imagining Jones's excitement all afternoon. As he walks to the House of Jones, he tries to decide how best to tell him. Should he make Jones try to guess? Put the reservation confirmation on the fridge door and cover Jones's eyes as he leads him to the kitchen? Blurt it out as soon as Jones comes in? Once he gets to the flat, he decides to play it cool. He'll put the reservation confirmation on the coffee table and casually point to it when Jones come bounding in, demanding an explanation.

Dan sits on the sofa and waits for Jones to arrive. He's on his fourth cigarette since he left the office flipping through a magazine, but not really reading it, when he hears Jones's key in the door. He pushes the papers closer to the edge of the table so they'll be closer to Jones's reach when he enters the room.

"Dan!" Jones calls in a sing-song voice as he comes in. Dan is trying his hardest not to grin like a maniac and raises his magazine to cover his face. "Don't pretend you didn't hear me! Or that you're actually reading that rubbish. I couldn't concentrate on my mixing all afternoon thanks to you!"  
Dan puts the magazine down and smirks.

"Well? What's the surprise then? It better be good. I nearly ran all the way here!"

Dan notices the sweat glistening on Jones's forehead and his cheeks are pink. He fights back the urge to grin again and to jump off the sofa and wrap Jones in his arms. As he planned (and might have practiced, if he's honest), he nods toward the papers on the table. Jones gives him a quizzical look and picks them up. He knits his brows and looks up at Dan.

"You were able to clear your schedule, weren't you?" Dan asks, worried that he hasn't gotten the reaction he was hoping for.

"Yeah...I mean...Berlin! Wow..." Jones couldn't sound any less excited.

"I'm supposed to write about the Love Parade. I thought maybe you could check with Anna about getting some gigs while we're there. Or you don't have to...I mean, you don't have to come if you don't want or if you've got gigs here."

Jones's eyes are welling up with tears and he's biting his lip.

"Jones? Sorry. I should've asked you first. Really, if you don't want to come, it's fine." Dan is lying. It's not fine. He doesn't want to go if Jones doesn't come along, but he doesn't want to sound clingy.

Jones looks at Dan with a less-than-convincing smile. "It's not that I don't want to come. I really do!..." Dan thinks he's going to continue, but he just puts the paper down and goes to the kitchen. Dan isn't sure what to do. Should he follow him? Give him space? He hears a sniff and a mixture of concern, guilt, and curiosity, makes him follow Jones to the kitchen, where Jones is standing at the sink, his back to the door. Dan puts his hand on Jones's shoulder and Jones rubs at his eyes, as if that'll cover up the fact that he's been crying.

"Really, Jones, if you don't want to come, just tell me. It's perfectly fine. It's just four nights. I'm sure we can survive being apart that long." He had meant it as a joke, something to lighten the mood, but as soon as he has said it, Dan realises this would be the first time they would have spent a night apart since moving in together over three years ago. He feels a lump forming in his throat and Jones turns to look at him and his eyes are red and he's not bothering to hide the fact he's crying any longer. He buries his face against Dan's chest and grips Dan's shirt tightly.

"Hey..." Dan says awkwardly. "What is it?"

"You'll think I'm stupid," Jones says, his breath hitching between sobs. Dan lifts Jones's chin and wipes at his tears with his thumbs.

"Come on, Danny. You can tell me. It's just a trip. I...I won't go if you don't want me to. Or I will if you want some time apart or whatever this is about. Just please, tell me."

"I..." Jones looks down at his feet and Dan brings his hand to rest at the nape of the other man's neck. "I'm afraid of flying," he finishes in a small voice, still not looking at Dan.

Dan feels a wave of relief. Jones isn't chucking him. He didn't want time away from Dan. He pulls Jones into a hug and kisses the top of his head. "God, Jones. You should've just said! I never knew. I can see about taking the train or a boat or something instead."

Jones finally raises his head, smiles up at Dan and kisses him.

  
They go out for some takeaway and Jones feels a pang of guilt as Dan, who insisted it was his treat, searches in his pockets for exact change. Sugar Ape paid for Dan's airfare, but Jones knows Dan had to pay for the extra ticket on his own. Jones wants to offer to help, but, as usual, he's skint. And he doubts Dan will get a refund if he cancels their reservations. He'd probably even have to reimburse the magazine for the flight he doesn't use. And then there'd be the train tickets on top of all of this. Jones wants to cry again, but tells himself he can't just keep crying when things don't work out and hope someone else sorts them out.

They're sitting on the sofa finishing their takeaway, watching a panel show on tv, when Dan gets up to go get some more beers from the kitchen. Jones grabs his hand as he gets up.

"Dan?"

"Hmmm?" Dan runs his hand through Jones's hair and Jones nuzzles against it.

"I was thinking...It would take much longer to go by train. Not to mention it would probably cost more or at least the same. And I know I'm just being daft. I mean...I'm willing to try flying."

"We don't have to."

"I've never flown before, but maybe I can if you're there with me." He's looking up at Dan with such trust and adoration in his eyes. Dan is overcome with a feeling of the need to protect Jones. It's something he tries to suppress as much as possible, but it constantly seems to sneak up on him. He knows Jones is an adult and Dan isn't really even that great at looking after himself, but there's a side of Jones that comes out when they're alone that seems totally at odds with Jones's confident persona as a DJ.

"It's up to you, babe."

The pet name just slips out and Jones beams at it and grabs Dan's hand and kisses it. "I can't promise I won't be a wreck or freak out or something though."

"If you do, I'll tell the flight attendants you were just excited because someone told you Gary Numan was flying the plane."  
Jones throws his head back in laughter and Dan grins as he goes to the kitchen.

  
The Love Parade turns out to be just as bad as Dan thought it would be. Even Jones doesn't seem to be enjoying himself. He didn't seem to get into the dancing and is now just clinging to Dan's arm.

"Too many people. And the music is total rubbish," Jones says with a shrug when Dan asks him how he's liking it. Dan nods and suggests they find their way out. Jones grins and grabs Dan's hand as they snake their way through the crowd.

Once far enough from the partiers, they just wander the city streets, ducking into a cafe when Jones spots some waffles in a bakery window and decides he can't resist one. Dan wants to be annoyed at Jones's constant need for sweets, but can't seem to be when Jones keeps licking the icing sugar off his lips and the corners of his mouth. Dan kisses the last bit of sugar from the side of his mouth when he's finished the waffle and Jones blushes slightly and licks his fingers with a giggle.

They come to a bridge and stand in the center for a while, watching the boats along the Spree. Jones fiddles with the [locks on the railings](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_lock) and reads the initials and dates of the couples quietly, more to himself than to Dan. He catches Dan's eye when he looks up and ruffles his hair.

"I always love these. It's quite a sweet thought," Jones offers. Dan thinks it's soppy and silly, but doesn't want to burst Jones's bubble. As he so often does, Jones seems to know what Dan is thinking anyway, "I wonder how many of them are still together," Jones adds with a little laugh and a half smile, trailing a finger along the railing of the bridge. A rare moment of cynicism that matches his sad smile.

"Yeah..." is all Dan seems to be able to manage. He puts his arm around Jones's shoulder and they walk on.

They stumble upon a music store, which Jones, of course, can't resist. Dan looks around a bit, but knows Jones will be ages. He nips out for a fag and sees a hardware store across the street and ducks inside. Jones is still browsing the stacks of vinyl when he gets back, but seems to sense Dan's return and looks up at him with a beaming grin, a grin that still makes Dan's stomach do somersaults whenever he sees it. He smiles sheepishly in return and focuses his attention on a rack of postcards advertising gigs and albums.

"Ready," Jones says once he's made his purchases, grabbing Dan's hand and leading him out.

"Are you hungry?" Dan asks once they've resumed their wandering. "Should we look for some place to eat?"

"I guess so," Jones answers with a shrug. He never has much of an appetite, at least not for normal food. He'd be happy existing on chips and candy and food from a tin that most people grow out of liking by the time they're 12.

"Or do you just want chips?" Sometimes Jones isn't the only one who seems like he can read minds. He squeezes Dan's hand and swings his bag of records happily.

They're crossing another bridge when Dan stops suddenly and Jones, who had been staring at the water, bumps into him.

"I..." Dan starts, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a padlock and hands it to Jones. Jones blinks incredulously at it, then looks up at Dan, who can't look Jones in the eye.

"If you want to," Dan says, still not looking at Jones.

"Of course I do!" Jones says, grabbing the lock and handing his bag to Dan to hold. He's slightly embarrassed of how much it sounded like a squeal. He takes the little keys that came with the lock and uses them to etch their initials into the metal. It's not ideal, but it'll have to do. Dan lights a cigarette, offering it to Jones, who shakes his head and focuses on making sure the J+D is legible. Dan leans against the bridge as he smokes and watches Jones, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth in concentration as he traces the letters over and over. Dan takes the polaroid (the one Dan never returned to the SugarApe office after a trip to Manchester years ago) out of Jones's bag and snaps a picture of him, but Jones seems too focused in his task to notice.

"There," he says moments later, showing Dan his handiwork. He kisses the lock, then holds it to Dan to kiss as well. Dan feels stupid, but the smile on Jones's face could convince him to do almost anything. He looks around quickly and then presses a kiss to it as well. Jones gives his hand a quick squeeze before unlocking the lock and fixing it to the railing. Jones takes the polaroid from Dan, takes a picture of the lock, then tries to hold the camera out to take one of the two of them. Dan takes it from him and takes the photo instead since his arms are longer. Jones stands on his tiptoes and presses his cheek against Dan's, his arm draped over his shoulder. He shoves the camera and the photos back into his bag, puts his hands on Dan's shoulders and leans up again to kiss him. Dan drops his cigarette and presses Jones close to him. He hates public displays of affection, but there's no one around, so he indulges Jones. And, although he'd be the last to admit it, he loves kissing Jones.

Jones lets out a breathy laugh as they break apart and throws the keys from the lock into the river.

"I love you," he whispers quietly, taking Dan's hand again as they begin walking. He looks at their intertwined fingers as he says it, instead of up at Dan. He knows Dan won't say it back and he's mostly stopped hoping he will some day.

Most days, Jones is convinced that Dan isn't in love with him and has come to accept it. He knows Dan likes him and likes being with him. And Jones tells himself that's enough. But sometimes Dan surprises him by doing things like this and it confuses Jones. Maybe Dan is just humouring him. The thought hurts a little and Jones sometimes thinks perhaps he should have more self-respect and not be with someone who's not in love with him. They've never talked about what this relationship (even Jones shudders at this word) means to them or where they think it's going. So Jones thinks he can't really blame Dan for not wanting the same thing. Jones tries to chase these thoughts from his mind as they stroll back toward the S-Bahn station. For now, he'll just be happy that Dan has made the gesture and not ruin things by analysing them. That's Dan's job anyway.

  
The night before they leave is impossibly hot and humid. They're staying in a flat that belongs to a friend of a friend, who happens to be out of town on holiday. Jones is lying on the sofa just in his pants and Dan is on the balcony, smoking.

"How can you smoke in this weather?" Jones calls out to him.

"Habit," is all Dan answers.

"I feel like I'm suffocating just looking at you."

"So stop looking."

"I don't want to," Jones says with a grin as he flops onto his stomach and rests his head against his folded arms. Dan stubs out his cigarette and wanders back into the flat and over to the sofa. He pushes Jones's sweaty fringe from his forehead and Jones tugs his hand until he leans down to kiss him.

"Bed?" Dan asks quietly.

"Cheeky."

"I meant to sleep."

"I don't want to get off the sofa. And besides, the futon is as far as possible from any windows. I'll just melt over there."

"Stop your whinging. Get up and help me. We can take the mattress off the frame and put it by the balcony. That tiny fan isn't any help, but maybe there'll be a bit of a breeze in the night."

"Dan Ashcroft, you are an absolute genius." Jones scrambles off the sofa, presses a kiss to Dan's lips, and rushes over to the futon, pulling at the bulky mattress.

  
They've manoeuvered the mattress so that it's partway on the balcony and are lying with their heads out the balcony doors.

"Dan? Are you awake?"

"I am now."

"Fuck off. You weren't asleep. I can tell when you're really sleeping."

"Why did you ask then?"

"Dunno...Dan?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for bringing me. I've had a nice time."

"No, you haven't. You hated flying. You hated the Love Parade. You even got lost on the subway, for fuck's sake."

"Well, yeah, but I like it here and I always have a nice time with you."

Jones usually insists on clinging to Dan as he sleeps, but it was too hot when they lay down and they've just been lying side by side. Jones inches over to Dan now, however, and slips his arm around Dan's middle. Dan lifts his arm around Jones's shoulder so Jones can scoot in even closer. Jones presses a kiss against Dan's neck and runs a finger along the waistband of Dan's boxers.

"Take these off, yeah?" Jones whispers against Dan's cheek, before running kisses along his jaw until he finds his mouth. Dan nods against the kiss and tugs at the waistband of Jones's pants in return.

Jones shimmies out of his pants and kicks them down to the bottom of the mattress, then lies onto his back, tugging Dan over to him. "I almost wish we weren't going back tomorrow," Jones whispers as Dan kisses his neck.

Dan raises himself onto his elbows and looks at Jones with a quizzical expression.

"It's just," Jones continues, "don't get me wrong, I love London and I love being home and having my gear and my music and everything around, but when we're out of town, you let me hold your hand in public. And you let me kiss you when other people might be looking."

"Jones, I..."

"It's alright. I know. I don't want to force you into anything or whatever. It's just...it's nice sometimes, you know?"

Dan hates talking about this. He knows Jones is right. He knows he shouldn't have such hang ups about people knowing they're together. And he knows how it's eating up at Jones to keep it a secret. He argues with himself that they're not lying about anything to anyone. Everyone knows they live together. He just doesn't want people being nosy about them living _together._ He knows all of this shouldn't matter to him and that it's not fair to Jones, but he just can't seem to help it.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles against Jones's neck, just behind his ear, and kisses him there, the spot that he knows always makes Jones lose control.

They make love under the blanket of stars and flickering street lights. It's slow and tender, the way it always is when Dan is apologizing for something. Fireworks go off somewhere in the neighbourhood as Jones is moaning Dan's name as he comes. A few more thrusts and Dan is there as well, Jones whimpering beneath him, then laughing quietly.

"Fuck, Dan. Never thought you'd make me come so hard I'd see fireworks!"

Dan rolls onto his back and pulls Jones into his arms. Jones twists slightly so he can watch the fireworks as well. He takes Dan's hand and winds their fingers together and Dan squeezes his hand ever so slightly each time Jones gasps at the display. He kisses the top of his head and feels like the pyrotechnics above are no match for the fireworks in his chest as he cradles Jones against himself.


End file.
